Airport Diaries

Oh airports… the one place everyone fails to forget how to function as grown adults. I fly cross country at least twice a year and pass through a minimum of two major International airports. It really isn’t that scary, so I figured I’d break it down for those who need a little advice on how to move through an airport with ease.

Breathe. There are literally signs everywhere in every airport. You will figure out where you’re going, and chances are, if you have a layover, you will have plenty of time to get to your next plane.
Boarding takes forever, so don’t sprint and run over little old ladies in your haste. Just make sure you’re on the plane 10 minutes before departure.
If it’s a very full flight, and you have at least one connection, and the gate agents are offering to check your carryon for FREE, DO IT!!! Don’t be that person trying to stuff your way-to-fat carryon in the already over-flowing bins with your stuffed personal item banging the people in the isle seats behind you. Just check the damn bag for free. Chances are 9 time out of 10 it won’t get lost. Then you don’t have to lug it around behind you from plane to plane! What a hassle! Oh- and there’s an app that lets you track your bag’s location. BOOM! Yay technology.
If you’re seated in the back of the plane and ARE NOT in a hurry to deplane and make a tight connection, chill out. Don’t stand up and grab your carryon right away. It’s going to be a solid 10 minutes before you get off anyhow, so don’t make it uncomfortable for everyone else around you. We get it, you wanna stretch. Everyone does.
If you ARE in fact in a genuine hurry to get off the plane, if you’re polite and play up the worry card, people will generally let you pass. What is a genuine hurry? Your next plane leaves in 20 minutes or less after your first plane touches down. Extra special consideration if you have to sprint and/or take the skyrail to a different terminal. I deplaned and made it from Terminal 1 (International flights) at JFK to terminal 8-the absolute furthest from terminal from 1- in less than 45 minutes. That included going through security AGAIN. That’s how long my layover was, 45 minutes total from deplane to boarding. Yes, I had to power walk and get on the skyrail, but I still made it with only minor anxiety.
Wear comfortable clothes-but not pajamas. Seriously- if you expect decent service these days, you have to command it. Jeans and a blazer are great options for both men and women. I wore my stretchy jeans on my flight from Newark to Greece and was plenty comfy. I didn’t pack a single pair of leggings or athletic shorts for my entire 6-week trip. I changed into my cute shorts in the airport restroom because 1) style (Europe has a lot of it) and 2) comfort. It was also hot as hell in Athens in August.
If your devices have 50% battery or more, don’t hog all the outlets. Only charge up when you’re close to dying. These days, most of the 737s and larger have USB ports in the seats so you can charge up in flight.
Don’t be mean to the flight attendants. There’s a lot outside of their control! They can’t change the entire temperature of the plane, so if you’re cold, shut the AC vent and put your jacket on. If you’re hot, do the complete opposite. In either case, don’t ask the flight attendants to ask the pilot to turn up the heat because that’s not a thing. If the airline carries Ale 8 instead of Ginger ale, don’t throw a hissy fit and just take the darn thing, or change your order if it’s that big of a deal.
Remember your manners. Pleases and thank you’s to all flight staff and gate agents can really get you places. It costs nothing to be kind, and you’ll find people are more willing to help the nice people.
If you’re eating and or drinking at the airport, be prepared to pay double, if not triple. Supply and demand… supply and demand. You’re not going to find a glass of wine for less than $9 anywhere. If you’re ballin’ n a budget, there’s usually a few fast food places that will tide you over without breaking the bank.

That was fun. Feels good to write about travel again-or just having something to write about in general. Hopefully I made you chuckle once or twice.

Ciao.